Spur of the Moment

I have realized that my life isn't filled with a normal 9-5 schedule or mandatory obligations.  As long as I can remember my life has always been planned.  I never minded living life on a schedule...in fact I tend to thrive when every minute of my life is scheduled.  I know where I need to be, when I need to be  there, and what I need to be doing.

But now my life isn't planned.  I have an occasional shift to work or a few errands to run, but other than that I'm not living on a schedule.  So it's time to live in the moment.  How did I come to this epiphany or revelation?  Well, I recently went in for my usual highlight and hair cut the other day.  Rather than going with my usual blonde and copper highlights, I told my hairdresser that I wanted something new and different.  I have been getting bored with my look and am getting tired of always being referred to as "blonde."  So why not try something new by going bold and dying my hair?  I have been blonde ever since I started getting highlights in 7th grade.  I have never completely dyed my hair, but I was in the moment and feeling spontaneous.  So why not?  It's just hair, right?  If I really don't like it I can sit out in the sun and wash it twice a day so the color fades.

This spur of the moment decision definitely worked in my favor!  I am in LOVE with my new hair color.  I feel like I am starting all over with a clean slate...the post graduate me.  It is a change from my blonde hair that I used to have, but I am ready to leave that "me" behind.  This decision taught me that maybe I should do more in the spur of the moment.  I am sure that not all of my decisions will work out in my favor, but at this point what do I have to lose?  It's time to leave my planned life behind - well most of it - and start living my life a little bit more in the moment.  No more schedules, appointments, or concrete plans.  Now is the time to be spontaneous, irrational, and a little bit crazy.

Just Passing Through

Stuck in the bubble.  I have figured out why I am always restless and anxious to get out: I don't want to stay stuck.  The bubble I am referring to would be my hometown.  Now let me preface by saying that this is not a post to bash my hometown.  This was a great place to grow up, but it's time to move on.

I have always loved coming home, but this is the longest I have been home all year and I'm ready to leave.  I guess I am much better at being a visitor now rather than a resident.  I need to go somewhere big and full of energy.  A big city where you know no one.  Anonymity.  Where every night there is something new to do, see, or talk about.

Right now, I am living in the place opposite of all that.  In the small town where I live you see at least 5 people you know when you make a trip to the grocery store - no matter what time or when.  Hardly anything new happens here and few people ever want to do anything.  It's the same people, places, and things day in and day out.  Don't get me wrong, I loved growing up here.  I have made some great friends, made some great memories, and accomplished a lot.  But I feel that I have almost tapped out here.

My biggest fear is to become trapped in this bubble and not being able to pop it.  However, I think that my anxiousness, restlessness, and overall need to get out are good signs that I won't be stuck here much longer.  I just need the strength to stick it out and appreciate the time I have here.  I just can't let being stuck crush my spirit or my dreams.  If I dream big and hope hard enough, I know I can be as successful as I want to be.  I see great things for myself...I just need that break.  If I keep the vision of the woman I want to be strong and clear in my mind and heart...I know it can become a reality.

Just Keep Swimming

An object at rest will remain at rest...

Sir Isaac Newton knew about the concept of rest way back when in the late 1600s and early 1700s.  But my question for Sir Newton is can the concept of rest be applied to a recent college graduate?  

Right now, in a way, I am at rest.  Not working full time, spending my days catching up on my shows, and not really doing much of anything.  I've always considered myself a motivated person, but right now I am finding myself stuck in a period of rest.  Now before I go any further I want to clarify that there are in fact two types of rest.  The one I am currently practicing: lazy and stagnant.  The other is rest but more of a state of inner peace and sense of calm - which is were I'd like to be.

But I think I deserve a week...or two...or three...ok four TOPS to be in a state of lazy, do-nothing rest.  I deserve it, right?  I mean for the past 17 or 18 years of my life every waking moment has been spent in school, studying for school, practicing a sport or instrument, attending meetings or practices, and a million other things in between.  This is the first time in my life where I can control my schedule.  I have no obligations outside of my part time job where I make my own schedule and choose the days I don't want to work.  So yes, I will sleep in until noon, I will watch countless reruns of Sex and the City or the Kardashians, and I will lay on the couch in my pajamas all day.

Honesty time: I've been doing this since I graduated almost a month ago.  I guess it's time for my reality check and to finish Sir Isaac Newton's 1st Law of Motion

...unless acted upon by an unbalanced force

That unbalanced force would be my life and it is shoving me into motion.  I can still be at rest, but that other kind of rest I mentioned earlier.  By doing that I can finally begin operating as a normal member of society without getting overwhelmed with what lies ahead.  Blogging and writing help a lot.  It releases my stress and helps me empty my head of all the thoughts and emotions coursing through me in a day.  I've heard tea can help calm people and I am interested in trying some to see how it works for me.  

When it comes down to it, for me to be calm and in a positive state of rest...I need to be happy and content with myself.  I need to find that motivation that has been hibernating for a month and use it as fuel.  Fuel to get me back into a routine even as mundane as doing my laundry every week, cleaning my room, and working out.  If I act on my motivation to accomplish a little something each day, I know I'll feel less overwhelmed and more at rest.  So tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to be a part of it.  I'll probably still watch some reruns, but I'll try and be productive first!  Regardless of your age or the stage you are at in your life, I think it helps to find that one hobby or activity that puts your mind and soul at ease.  Life can be overwhelming, but don't go into a resting hibernation like I did.  Keep pushing forward and Just Keep Swimming!

Rain, Rain, Go Away

It's another gloomy, cloudy, and rainy day in good ol' Jamestown, New York.  This was not the type of weather that I had in mind for summer.  I envisioned sunny days, blue skies, and lazy days by the pool. The rainy weather has forced me to stay indoors, which is probably a good thing when it comes to getting work done.  And it makes it a lot easier to pick up extra shifts at Bath and Body Works.  So I guess these rainy days aren't so bad...but I am definitely ready for them to move on out!  I have never been more ready for sun and heat!

So here I am...another rainy day...stuck inside.  But this rainy day has been special.  I spent the day with my sisters - Morgan and Sydney - and puppy Ellie at my grandparents house.  I enjoy spending time with my Nana and Papa, plus my Nana always puts together the best lunches when we are over.  It was fun to hang out and visit with them.  Then my sisters and I came home and we had an impromptu dance party throughout the entire house blasting Earth, Wind, and Fire.  Only the best.  Rainy days aren't so bad, it just depends on how you spend them.

Now I am sitting in my living room typing this blog post while listening to some classical music with my sisters and my puppy.  Even though the weather may be depressing and gloomy that is the opposite of the type of day I have had spending it with the people I love and care about.  Its days like these where I am thankful I don't have a full time job...yet.

Facing the Forest

Do not go where a path may lead,

go instead where there is no path 

and leave a trail.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

This quote currently describes my outlook on life.  Remember that saying about 2 roads diverging in a yellow wood?  Well I am not looking at 2 roads or even a simple fork in the road...I am facing a forest. There are no paths or signs telling me where to go.  The only way through is to forge ahead and create my own path or my own life.  

I recently left a place with perfectly groomed lawns, sidewalks, signs, and many direct paths to take to guarantee success.  This place was John Carroll University.  Even when I began college 3 short years ago, I never really was faced with a forest.  I was presented with several nice paths that could lead me in many directions, but they would all end at graduation and a degree.  Now this is a whole new situation.  There are no well groomed paths or a step by step plan to success.  The only thing I can do is move forward and hope that I make it to the other side.

So I really am taking Mr. Emerson's advice by choosing to go to a place where there is no path and leave a trail.  But how do I make that path?  Where do I even start?  These are the ultimate questions that I can only answer by trial and error.  I guess this is the time in my life where it is ok to fall down, go the wrong direction, or be spontaneous and end up in a whole new place.  That is the funny thing about being in a forest.  You can't really see where you are going or what direction you're even going in.  But it's not entirely about where you end up but rather the journey that takes you there.  I have already started making my own path by doing multiple things.  Now am I going about it the right way? Well for me I guess I am, but if it doesn't work I can simply turn around and start over.  That is an upside to being a college grad with no job, I have all the time in the world to find my way.

Calling for Back Up

It's about who you know, not what you know.  In looking for a job today that is the common phrase that I have heard countless times.  Now I feel like I am calling on any resource to help get me a job in my field of choice.  It also doesn't help that the industry I want to break in to has to be one of the toughest.  I want to be in the television news business.  Either as a producer, reporter, anchor, or anything that will get my foot in the door.  I just want to be involved in television news in some way, shape or form.  As long as I am delivering the news or information to the public, I will be happy.  But the problem is that getting a job in this industry is easier said than done.  So that commonly said statement really is true when it comes to my job search.

So now I am enlisting the help of my parents, family friends, old internship contacts, and even acquaintances to find me a job or even give me that name of someone they know in the business.  While things are beginning to look somewhat promising, I am still without a job.  But I am eternally grateful for all of those that are working so hard to help me land a job.  I have such big dreams and high goals that it feels like I should almost dream less and lower my expectations.  But do you ever get that feeling deep down inside that you were meant for something more or that you are meant to do great things?  That is how I feel...I just need that break...that first job so that my dreams and goals don't seem so out of reach.

Well it is almost the end of June and I feel like I have an entire army behind me looking for any job in my field.  Hopefully it will all work out and in a matter of weeks I can be blogging about having a job and getting to work as a member of the working world.

The Ladies who Brunch

So it has been 15 years since 4 best friends took on the streets of Manhattan.  Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte strutted their way down 5th Avenue and into the hearts of so many women.  If you don't know what I am talking about then you haven't watched the greatest television show of all time: Sex and the City.

Now I haven't always been an avid follower of the show. It wasn't until I decided to see the first Sex and the City movie.  I fell in love with the characters, fashion, writing, and New York.  Since then I seemed to find Sex and the City reruns on all the time.  It only took a few days for me to figure out when they were on and what channels so that I could watch them all day, every day.  I found myself wanting to live the lives of Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda.  I wanted the clothes they wore, the apartments they lived in, and the jobs they had.  Even though I may not be able to relate to all of the problems that the ladies deal with on the show, there is definitely one thing that every girl can relate to: great girlfriends.

That is the thing about Sex and the City.  It makes you want to have a group of great girlfriends who you can brunch with every Sunday and gossip about the weeks events.  I think that I have definitely found that group over the years.  Friendships evolve and change...some friends are your high school friends, some are just class friends, or even work friends.  Only a chosen few enter into that circle of secrets, laughs, tears, and love that is your close group of girlfriends.  After attending college I think that like Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte I have found my soul mates.  I know it sounds so corny, but it's true.  These girls have made my life better and I know that we will be friends forever.  Right now distance separates us, but already we are calling or texting one another just about every day.

So today I am spending my day watching the Sex and the City marathon while planning a weekend getaway with my girlfriends.  I can't wait to gossip, go out, shop, and even brunch with my girlfriends.

"Today I had a thought.What if I…what if I had never met you?”~Carrie

Patience Is Not My Virtue

Patience is defined as the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like according to dictionary.com.  The past few weeks people have been telling me to be patient or if I'm patient that big break will come along.  There is the old saying "patience is a virtue."  Well I am sure that it is definitely not one of mine.

As I read the definition of patience, I place it in my post grad context.  I don't think that I am dealing with a great deal of pain or misfortune, however the one word that sticks out to me is annoyance.  My annoyance is waiting around for that phone call or email saying "we want you."  But it hasn't come.  Now how do I know that I am not patient?  Refer to second half of that definition: without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.  I couldn't tell you how many melt downs I have had or how many times I have complained about having now set plan.  So now that I have proven that I lack patience, what next?

I need to learn patience...which is easier said than done.  My life could be a lot worse, right?  At least I do have a part time job working as a sales associate at a store in my local shopping mall.  Some college graduates don't even have a minimum wage paying anything.  Also I do have very supportive family and friends that see so much potential and want me to succeed.  It is reassuring to know that I have a strong foundation to stand on, especially now.  Patience isn't my virtue now, but maybe I need to use this time for it to become my virtue.  In today's world of getting everything in an instant, I think that I have learned to expect that when it comes to every aspect of my life.

It's time for me to step back, take a breath, and just be...patient.